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How Counselling Saved My Marriage


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How Counselling Saved My Marriage

My wife and I had been married for 20 years and I thought things were going OK. However, my wife was not happy. I couldn't understand why. We had a lot of fights and we even talked about divorce. In the end, my friend suggested that we see a marriage counsellor. I was sceptical but I agreed to do this. We spent many hours talking about our problems and I realised that I had been working long hours and ignoring my wife. As a result of the counselling, my marriage is back on track and my wife is really happy.

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Two reasons to have psychology treatment after experiencing domestic abuse

Below are some reasons why you should get psychology treatment if you have experienced domestic abuse.

To process the trauma you suffered

The experiences that a person goes through when they are the victim of domestic abuse can be highly traumatic, regardless of whether the abuse took the form of physical assault, emotional abuse or financial abuse (or all three). When a person endures long-term domestic abuse, they often end up normalising their partner's terrible behaviour and downplaying the effect it had on them, both when thinking about it and when discussing it with others.

Instead of continuing to minimise this abuse, you must try to process the trauma you experienced. If you don't, this unresolved psychological damage may manifest itself in a myriad of distressing ways. You might, for example, find yourself having panic attacks when you're left alone with men (if your abusive partner was male) or you might find that you are unable to establish healthy boundaries with relatives, co-workers and friends.

If you have psychology treatment with a sympathetic counsellor, they will help you to work through the worst memories you have of the abuse, show you ways to manage any flashbacks you have and teach you how to deal with any related anxiety or depression you suffer from as a result of the domestic abuse. This will then ensure that the trauma does not continue to negatively affect your life indefinitely.

To ensure you can recognise red flags in potential partners in the future

The other reason why getting counselling might be a good idea after you have experienced domestic abuse is that the counsellor could help you to recognise the red flags that might indicate that a person is a potential domestic abuser. This could be useful when you are eventually ready to find a new partner. It is important to be very aware of these red flags, as being a victim of domestic abuse in the past can increase your chances of being one again in the future. This is due to the fact that being abused by a partner can result in you having low-self esteem as well as poor boundaries. Domestic abusers who identify you as having these traits may be inclined to take advantage of your vulnerability, and you could end up being abused a second time.

However, a counsellor can not only help you to recognise the warning signs that someone you're dating might be a potential abuser, but they can also help you to become more assertive, to set healthy boundaries and to safely end a relationship if you feel the other person is being abusive.